It’s ironic that we are ‘communicating’ regarding that issue
and yet the fact that we don’t speak face to face.
Indeed, I do realize that it’s hurting you badly.
And after a long talk with Bee last night,
I further realized how much deeds I’ve done for my friends,
be it good or bad.
I’ve been blinded by my own selfishness, own pride, own excuses
to see how I’ve been led the wrong way all the while.
I always just thought that being there for people
when they needed me the most, is all that matters.
Frankly speaking, I don’t know how much I meant to you right now.
At least, not anymore.
Perhaps it’s the fall of all my previous close friendship,
that led me into believing that nothing will never work out.
Or probably, this is another excuse that I’m making for myself.
No, I don’t hang around you much anymore.
Seriously, I’m feeling hurt too.
It just felt like since the new semester started,
everyone went away, including you.
Even before I started on it again, I felt like we weren’t
close anymore either. I don’t want to be a victim,
of a left-behind friendship anymore.
Sometimes, when I see you,
I remember all these pain,
of watching you walk away.
High chance, it’s my fault.
And I’ll admit, I hasn’t been
making a great deal of effort to fix things up.
Instead, I further denied that we’re close anymore.
Is that really the case?
Would you believe that it’s hurting me to see you in such a situation?
Perhaps, I am not worthy to be your friend.
I have a nasty attitude, temper, and you’re right on something.
Besides being awfully rude, what else does I strive in? Nothing.
I have an issue, I can’t seem to make people stay.
And it’s always because of my actions.
I refuse to go to people, fearful of rejection from them.
I don’t make a great effort, because I always thought that
I shouldn’t be the one.
But tonight, you made me see the whole issue.
I was wrong the entire time, and it’s just me and my fucked up mindset.
Truth spoken, I no longer deserve your friendship.
But you still made an effort to stay, and I can see it.
I’m not blind at all. I see all that you’re doing for me,
while I’m the one disappointing you each and every time.
This time round, I wanna patch our friendship.
This time round, I will be the one to make the effort.
This time round, nothing will change if I don’t change myself.
Bottom line is, I really cherish you as my friend,
and I still wanna continue cherishing you forever.
It probably doesn’t feel the same for you anymore.
But I would not do it with words again.
Actions, this time it shall be.
Again, nothing would happen and words are cheap.
I will prove myself, my worth and..
I ain’t gonna let this friendship slip away again.
Fact is, I still love you so, much more than you think I do.